Reframing Rejection
Hard truth: rejection in dating is something we all experience.
No one likes the experience of rejection. We like to be seen, heard, and validated. We feel good about ourselves and who we are and we want others to see that, too!
If you’re living with HSV, there is an added layer of fear when it comes to people accepting your status.
A lot of people will reframe “rejection as redirection.” I think it can be really helpful for some people, but for others, it’s just another cliche saying that reinforces toxic positivity.
The reality is that when you’re so deep into stigma, when you’ve been rejected by date after date, it becomes almost impossible to see rejection as redirection. It becomes an uphill battle, one that doesn’t seem to have a peak in sight.
If this sounds like you (or someone you know), I challenge you to reframe how you’re approaching your disclosures. Instead of sharing your status first, reframe it as a question.
- I like where we’re headed, care to share your latest screening results?
- I really want to [insert verb], but I respect us both and want to ensure we’re informed about our screening status. When was your last STI test?
Even though you’re still initiating the question, removing yourself from the immediate vulnerability and potential for rejection can save more of the feelings that bring doubt and boost stigma.
How someone responds to this question can tell you a LOT about where they are with STI stigma and their health and self-care practices. It’s not a you problem - it’s a them problem.
While it’s not *easy* to see the glass half full when it comes to rejection, try this approach and see if it helps rebuild your hope and dating self-confidence!