Navigating Herpes Advocacy and Coaching: Questions to Ask Before Trusting
1. What is this person’s experience? Are they qualified to talk about sex/sexuality?
Experience doesn’t always mean academia. There are continuing education programs, certifications, and trainings that can facilitate someone’s learning experience around sexuality-but Googling about sex and herpes combined with personal experience will not suffice (ex 🚩: someone who doesn’t know the difference between vulva and vagina, someone who believes in “no FAP,” etc., someone who is unaware of gender diversity and is in accepting of other relationships outside of the “norm”)
2. Is this person aware of their privilege? Do they actively acknowledge their privileges?
The herpes patient advocacy community is, at this time, predominantly composed of white, cisgender folks. Research shows that higher STI rates exist among some racial and/or ethnic minority groups compared to whites (CDC, 2020). This is why awareness and privilege matters.
3. Are they charging the equivalent of a down payment? For perspective, 10-20 sessions of therapy for $130/session would be about $1,300-2,600 over a period of months of even years (depending on someone’s experience, need for therapeutic support, etc). If someone is charging amounts up-front that require you to take out a loan (or at least consider it), it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.
4. Did they slide in your DMs? Were you looking for herpes coaching? Did they find you because you follow another herpes patient advocate page? These are red flags that they are looking to connect with you based upon a potential profit.
5. What are they doing to alleviate the stigma—if anything? Are they only profiting off it?
If someone is solely a herpes coach, they are monetizing off stigma. It doesn’t matter what they say- they need stigma to sustain an income.
6. Are they giving back to the community?
Giving back to the community doesn’t need to be monetary. Are they partnered with herpes therapy groups?
I don’t expect herpes coaches to go anywhere. But if they’re going to maintain a presence, we should maintain an awareness of how we engage with them.