Coping with Family Dysfunction During the Holidays
“Can you imagine what being in a NORMAL family would feel like on Christmas?” - an actual text I sent to a friend yesterday.
I know there is no perfect “normal” family, but what I really meant by this is a functional family.
Families change over the years, family members who kept traditions alive pass on or fade away, some people just get sick of one another.
As I’ve grown older, and with my education in therapy, I’ve realized just how dysfunctional my family is and I’ve grown to accept that. But just because I’ve accepted it and lowered expectations doesn’t make it any less hard when it comes around.
Yesterday was hard for me, and several others I know. Maybe this time of year is hard for you, too, for similar reasons. Lack of acceptance, misunderstandings, overstepping boundaries, or just a lack of an adult in the room.
Sometimes an innocent “How was your holiday?!” or “It must’ve been nice to see your siblings, they live so far!” can really open an already delicate wound.
Sometimes no matter our level of awareness to a situation or trying to change it, or even setting a boundary, can make it better. I shared a similar sentiment on TT and have seen other comments offering quick fixes:
“Just ignore him.”
“Kick him out.”
“Go here instead.”
While well-intended, dysfunctional families don’t have a quick fix. There are often many layers. Many YEARS of drama and, yes, trauma.
Here’s to everyone who survived yesterday. Who is surviving this week, month, and holiday season. No matter what you celebrate, or what you don’t. I see you, I stand with you, and I sincerely wish you happiness, health, and a fresh start in 2025.