Rejecting Someone Because of Their Herpes Status? Read This.
If you’re rejecting, or have rejected, someone solely because of their herpes status, read this.
If you’re rejecting someone based off information you learned about herpes in your (likely not comprehensive) sex ed classroom, read this. Your sex education failed you.
When STIs are introduced in most sex education classrooms, the main focus is on their symptomatic presentation.
Sex ed classes encourage avoidance and perpetuate stigma by ranking severity of infections (and their inhabitants) by curability, symptoms, and treatment methods.
While STIs can and do present with symptoms, the most common symptom of having an STI is having no symptoms at all.
Similarly, if you do not have presenting symptoms, you likely are unaware of your herpes status, as it is not included in a standard screening panel. And you may not be seeking regular testing anyway if you have no symptoms because you believe you’re exempt.
But if you have cold sores, or know someone who does—that’s herpes, too. There is no “better” or “worse” version, and they share more similarities than differences.
In fact, oral herpes can also transmit to partners via oral-to-genital contact. Which would make disclosing one’s oral herpes status a necessity if contracting herpes is your main concern.
If you’re rejecting a partner solely “because they have herpes” but do not ask the same of partners who perform oral sex on you, or are unaware of your own herpes status, the logic behind your argument is flawed.
This post and its accompanying explanation are not attempts to convince folks to change their minds about being sexual with people with herpes. This a direct attempt to address and confront stigma masked as intellect, or dismissed as logical reasoning.
Instead of saying it’s herpes, say what you really mean—it’s the stigma.