How to Communicate About a Herpes Outbreak with Your Partner
So you’re having a herpes outbreak, now what? While many fear the disclosure conversation with potential partners, there is less said about how to tell a partner you’re experiencing an outbreak. Here are a few tips:
1. Establish ground rules. If this is your partner’s first experience with you having an outbreak, this is an opportunity to discuss comfort levels, desire levels, and what your boundaries and/or needs might be during this time.
2. Don’t sugarcoat it. “I am so overwhelmed right now that it actually triggered an outbreak. I’ll let you know when it passes, but right now I just want to [cuddle, take a bath, hangout, etc.].” There is nothing to be sorry for and having an outbreak is often a sign for you to slow down and practice your version of self-care.
3. Don’t offer other sexual acts if you’re not feeling it. People with herpes often feel bad or at fault if they are experiencing an outbreak. While some couples in discordant relationships may decide together to engage in sex and/or other acts during outbreaks, many do not wish to increase the chances of transmission to their partner and potential feelings of guilt. If you’re not feeling like giving or receiving sexual pleasure, or feel that you’re doing it out of guilt for the outbreak, be honest with yourself and your partners.