Unlearning Myths: Understanding Herpes and Partner Dynamics
So much of sex education involves unlearning and re-educating. Since the values around sexuality and STIs have historical ties to morality (check out @ericasmith.sex.ed ‘s work for more on purity culture), many students are resistant to acknowledge and accept the facts.
One of the biggest myths I see related to partners of people with herpes is the assumption that they, too, have herpes by mere association.
Just because someone’s partner has herpes, does not automatically mean that they have herpes, too. As you might suspect, this belief holds roots in stigma (i.e. the belief that people with herpes and/or other stigmatized infections can only partner with folks who have the same infections).
While it’s true that the odds of herpes transmission are increased the more discordant couples engage with one another sexually (aka increased frequency of sexual encounters), the risks are also mitigated due to use of antivirals, barriers, and avoidance/awareness during symptomatic outbreaks.
Yes, you can do everything “right” and still get herpes. Yes, asymptomatic shedding is still a thing. Yes, partners may still acquire herpes during asymptomatic outbreaks; however, a 2006 study by Wald and her team (notable for her herpes research) analyzed the sexual behavior of 199 study participants with herpes and found that “the risk of HSV-2 transmission was approximately halved when the source partner knew that he or she had genital herpes and informed the participant (p. 49).”
Herpes is always a possibility, but it is not an absolute.