Navigating Safer Sex Conversations: Recognizing Signs of Abuse in Relationships with Herpes
Seeing sex educators (like myself) advocate so passionately for conversations around safer sex and STI awareness with partners might make it difficult to imagine how these conversations could turn abusive.
If you are someone living with herpes, you will always have an open conversation of sorts with your partner(s) beyond disclosure. Like, “Hey babe, having an outbreak let’s do XYZ instead?” Or, “Have you seen my Valtrex I think I feel an outbreak coming on?”
Herpes will always be A discussion, but it should not be THE discussion. When conversations around herpes monopolize relationships, they often reveal a partner’s fear (and stigma) around contracting herpes.
A simple question like “Are you having an outbreak?” could soon become, “Did you have an outbreak last year? Last month? Last week? Yesterday?” Or using Valtrex as a form of negotiation and withholding sex.
These questions and patterns are a form of grooming, and page the way for potential abuse.
@brosandprose recently did a great IG talk about the intersection of herpes and abuse that you can find on her IG TV!