Understanding Avoidant Attachment: Compassion in Relationships
Instagram offers a wonderful space for learning, unlearning, and relearning; However, like all social media outlets, one post cannot summarize a concept in its entirety or make space for all the potential nuances of human relationships. Including this one.
In the world of attachment theory, which I touch on in my previous post, many equate avoidant attachments as, well, attachment styles and relationships to avoid. It’s to the point I feel that many associate an avoidant attachment style as being “bad” people. Even I have caught myself saying things like, “Well, you know he’s an avoidant.” To be received with eyerolls and sighs of friends.
While it’s true that many of us are not well suited to such attachment styles in the long run, I want to note that not all people with avoidant attachment styles are “bad” or unworthy of loving. Many, if not all, lacked some sense of love and attachment in their youth. Avoidance is a coping mechanism. Avoidance is also survival.
While attachment styles are malleable, someone has to WANT to make a shift. Someone has to WANT to explore their avoidant tendencies. In true avoidant style fashion, that’s usually easier to avoid.
I ask that you hold compassion for avoidance and those working on confronting themselves. That you make note that we, even those with secure styles, have an avoidant moment now and again. And like all Instagram posts, this one certainly won’t fit every avoidant situation. But it’s worth bringing up for the ones it does fit.