Navigating STI Disclosure: Timing, Methods, and Safety
People always ask, “What’s the right way to disclose to someone?” Typically, they’re referring to time and place. Before a date, after you have drinks? In person, on an app?
There’s an unspoken assumption that in-person is better than other forms of disclosure (ie through texts, dating apps, etc.). From my perspective, the “right” disclosure is one that takes place prior to the encounter (whether oral and/or genital) and the one in which you feel most confident. Additionally, a place where you feel confident and safe to inquire about your partners’ STI status.
My caution with digital disclosures, whether STI status or otherwise is that there’s always the potential for someone to screenshot and use confidential information against you. While a herpes status is common, we also know that much of society still stigmatizes herpes and those who have it. This is why it is important to reiterate the potential risks associated with digital disclosures.
In addition, due to absence and/or lack of comprehensive sex education, many are unaware that “HSV” means herpes simplex virus aka herpes aka cold sores. If you are someone who uses “HSV” in a dating app bio, I strongly suggest confirming with matches and partners that they are aware of what the acronym means. This is also a great opportunity to inquire about their STI screening history, too.