Supporting Friends After an Unexpected Disclosure: Navigating Stigma with Compassion
Many of us have found ourselves on the receiving end of an unexpected disclosure— those that occur within our friend groups. This disclosure isn’t necessarily asking for acceptance within a sexual context, but of being seen as a human still worthy of friendship.
Here are a few tips to help you navigate these conversations during and after their disclosure:
1. Listen first. Try not to overwhelm your friend with questions, especially before they have an opportunity to share more with you, even in moments of silence.
2. Remove blame and shame. Our culture and language is ingrained with stigmas and stereotypes about people with STIs. Have no fear, you will make a mistake at some point—just like all of us. While it can be tempting to ask about someone’s sexual partners and condom usage, it’s important to understand the roots of this questions (shame and blame).
3. Look inward. Self-reflection is a critical component of supporting your friend, as well as increasing your awareness of stigma—beyond language. How does your friend’s diagnosis impact or shift your beliefs—if at all?
4. Create a support system. What does your friend need? How can you best support them right now? The only way to know is ask and offer potential suggestions if they are unsure. This can be as simple as a check-in text at a certain time of day.
5. Cultivate patience. All of these tips require patience, well beyond the end of the disclosure discussion.
Stigma and its residual mental health effects don’t disappear after disclosure. We’re all works in progress, but it helps to have someone meet as where we are on our way to where we hope to be.