Beyond Sexual Relationships: The Many Faces of Herpes Disclosure
We typically frame disclosure within the context of sexual relationships, however, as Scheinfeld’s (2021) research reminds us, disclosure of one’s herpes status takes place outside of sexual interactions.
Folks often consult those with whom they look toward for guidance as it relates to their herpes diagnosis. Whether a friend, family member, professional mentor, or member of their religious community.
We often forget that disclosure takes place in healthcare, too. Disclosing to a gynecologist, general practitioner, therapist, or even a dentist.
I’ve seen some poorly articulated forms in most of these professional settings that include outdated terms like, “venereal disease,” or asking patients, “Do you have cold sores?” rather than framing it in the context of herpes.
This serves as a reminder of the various disclosures folks encounter not only with regard to a herpes diagnosis, but in life. Many of these aren’t neatly articulated by new patient forms, nor do they have disclosure prompts.
I, as I am sure others in this space, receive unsolicited disclosures regularly. Some just say “thank you, I have X.” Whereas others detail their entire herpes story. For clarity, this oversteps my boundaries, though I appreciate folks hold me as a safe space.
The unfortunate reality is that not all of the entities I’ve listed here are safe spaces to share your status in a place free of shame and empowered by resources and education (even those that we’d expect to be).
My goal in sharing this is to serve as a reminder that no matter who you are disclosing to, or if someone is disclosing to you, it is not the discloser’s sole obligation to teach you about herpes.
Be mindful of your facial expression and body language if the disclosure is in-person or on Zoom. Be mindful of your safety if you are choosing to disclose via the internet—even behind the illusion of security (DMs, emails, and the like). Give the discloser space to share their story—uninterrupted. They chose you for a reason, honor it. Be with them, learn from them—but more importantly, use it to propel you deeper into your journey of unlearning.