Navigating Herpes Rejection: Understanding Stigma and Education
Not every herpes rejection is an opportunity for education or explanation.
With rejection comes an innate questioning, “But why?” With rejections due to herpes, we often know why. Stigma.
Many offer an attempt to educate their potential partners. Arming themselves with transmission statistics about antivirals and barrier methods and how many people have herpes. People see the problem (stigma, poor sex ed) and have a solution (education), and they want to fix it.
Sometimes, this is productive, usually after someone has had time to reflect, research, and really absorb what is being shared. But oftentimes, in the moment, overwhelming someone with statistics may very well have an opposite effect, especially if they state they are not open to learning.
Herpes stigma runs deep. It’s not just learning what you don’t know, it’s unlearning what you thought you know. It’s a confrontation of overlapping belief systems that all band together.
There ARE people who are open to education, who have already confronted internal stigmas, and are willing to move forward. But most of the time, rejection likely isn’t a something to be resolved quickly, especially when resistance is present, if at all.
Rejections suck, for many reasons. They hurt. They can make us spiral in self-defeat. I think there are fine lines between empowering oneself with education to share with partners, and overstepping their boundaries as it relates to consent/ overwhelming someone with the equivalent of a government pamphlet.
The desire to educate and confront stigmas is a wonderful thing, and it’s changing the world around us. But there also needs to be a balance on where our energy is best spent, and where we are most valued for who we are, rather than what a diagnosis (herpes or otherwise) defines us to be.