Finding Validation and Self-Worth with Herpes: Navigating Relationships and Stigma
If you are uncomfortable with your herpes status, or are still working through unlearning herpes and STI stigma, it’s likely palpable to your partners.
But it’s important to remember that it is not a partner’s responsibility to validate your self-worth, regardless of your herpes status. Just as it’s not your job to be the sole educator or guide in someone’s experience of unlearning stigma.
Dating can be a convenient self-soothing device or remedy for moments of low self-esteem, especially now that it is so accessible through apps.
It holds potential to be especially validating for folks with herpes when they find someone who DOES accept them upon disclosure—when society seemingly dooms their dating and sex lives due to the stigma. One might think, “Against all odds…” It’s a cliche that holds potential for fantasy and romance.
This combination of acceptance and low self-worth may also create a cycle of abuse (not definitively, but something to bring awareness to).
It’s not just people with herpes who seek validation and acceptance from partners, whether aware or subconsciously. It’s a people thing, a connection thing. There are moments we all desire connection, support, in fact, we require it.
One of my biggest tips for folks with herpes, regardless of their relationship status, is to ensure they have support systems in place. Whether it’s a group text, a weekly brunch, or an online support group—find a space that allows you to feel safe and vulnerable where you are in your journey. It isn’t always in the arms of another person, and is more often in the arms of your self.