Fate and Relationships: Beyond the Myth of Destiny
“If it’s meant to be, it’ll find a way.” A lot of people, including myself, have found comfort in this phrase. For me, it’s followed a breakup. The hope that the person will come back, that we’ll find our way back to one another *someday*, etc. etc. The belief that our love was real and worthy of forever.
For perspective, this happened to me, multiple times, with the same person across ten years. A lesson that took me far too long to learn. I’ve been dumped, shouted my feelings from the roof tops, & hoped and prayed that person would return. That we’d end up ~together forever~. They did indeed come back, but the idea of fate and our history became the only common threads.
I think we can be fated to be with people (for a moment, months, years..), but I know that fate isn’t sustainable. It’s not the magic bullet for a perfect relationship.
I don’t share many of my beliefs outside of sex education here, but I am someone who believes in fate and synchronicity. That there are messages and signs living and floating around me. That people are meant to be in my life for a reason. However, I know that a relationship’s outcome depends on so much more than hope and trusting the universe.
Relationships require effective communication. Not just listening to be heard, but listening to understand. Being called out on your bullshit, being able to navigate the tough conversations. Being honest. Embracing emotion. Admitting when you’re wrong, that you told a white lie to save face, or that it’s always been more than just the dishes bothering you.
Not only do relationships take mutual effort, they require working toward shared goals. What are you building? Even if it’s a “casual” relationship, you’re investing in your partner for something (likely intimacy and/or sex). It’s a necessity to communicate your intentions, & to support one another in reaching that goal (even if it’s just an orgasm🤷🏻♀️).
People can be fated for one another & still not end up together. If it’s meant to be, you & your partner(s) will communicate & support one another individually & together. To grow, to change, to re-evaluate your relationship with time.