Objectification and Attraction: Navigating Relationships with Herpes
When I started speaking publicly about herpes five years ago, something unexpected happened: I became objectified for my herpes status.
Men would (and still do, on occasion) message me asking for sexual engagements and favors after learning of my HSV status. My biggest vulnerability and what most of society would describe as a “weakness” or “turn off” became a source of attraction for folks with and without herpes. My herpes status isn’t a weakness or a turn-off, and it shouldn’t be the sole reason that someone is pursuing me (or you!) either.
Just because I have herpes doesn’t mean I’ll be more likely to engage in oral sex with you.
Just because I have herpes doesn’t mean we’re compatible because (shocker!) you have herpes, too.
Just because I have herpes doesn’t mean I’m lowering my standards.
Just because I have herpes isn’t reason enough for me to engage with you.
Underneath this allure is often a prey on assumed low self-esteem and/or a vulnerable population. It’s a potential avenue for manipulation and further abuse.
Attraction is different for everyone, but what holds as a universal truth is this: your herpes or STI status isn’t the foundation of sustained attraction in any relationship.