How to Reject a Potential Partner with Dignity
Rejection sucks. Here’s how to reject a potential partner with dignity (whether they have herpes or not):
1. Don’t ghost them: we’ve all likely been ghosted or ghosted someone due to fear of engaging in an (assumed) “awkward” conversation. Rejection can be uncomfortable for both sides, but it’s easy to catastrophize why someone stopped talking to us when there isn’t clear closure.
2. Don’t be a dick. If you don’t want to move forward with someone because they have herpes, that is your right; however, it is not your right to treat them any less due to their herpes status. Give them space to share and review any resources they provide you so that you can make an informed decision. PS: you likely haven’t been screened for herpes & if you aren’t asking potential partners about their oral herpes status, you have some stigma to sort through.
3. Be honest about what was working and what wasn’t. Everyone will respond differently to rejection. Be honest about what was working and what led you to your decision. You don’t need to provide your partner with a novel or life story, but you could share more than the “it’s not you, it’s me” cliche (even if it is applicable). If you want to move forward in a different direction (ie friendship instead of dating) insert that option here if and when they feel ready.
4. Know when to set a boundary. It’s hard not to take rejection personally, but some folks may have a harder time detaching from something they enjoyed or someone they fantasized about some sort of future with—whether that’s sex or a more serious relationship. Know when you may need to set a boundary or restate your reason for why this will no longer work and how you plan to move forward.
Make sure you save this post for when you’re giving or receiving a rejection!