Harmful Phrases After an STI Diagnosis: Why Words Matter
Just, at least, don’t worry…the distance between these small phrases packs an impressionable punch, especially for those recently diagnosed or living with an STI.
Here are subtle statements that are often well-intentioned and used to “lessen the blow” after an STI diagnosis that end up doing more long-term damage to the collective:
“It‘s just cold sores.” Ah, “just.” Comparing the placement of someone’s infection (in this case, oral or genital), or even using l cold sores” in place of “herpes” or “HSV-1” is an attempt to soften the diagnosis and remove oneself from what it means to have herpes (aka stigma).
“Don’t worry, it goes away.” Similar to telling someone to “calm down,” “don’t worry” isn’t helpful. Additionally, it implies that there is something to worry about if someone is diagnosed with a lifelong infection.
“At least you won’t have to tell future partners.” This demonizes the disclosure conversation that we ALL need to be having. Disclosure is not just for folks who are recently diagnosed or living with an STI, disclosure is essential for informed consent and maintaining an awareness of one’s sexual health. Disclosure is an active piece of sexual self-care.
“It could be worse.” One of my favorite TEDx Talks entitled, “Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved” by Kate Bowler, explores these common phrases we often tell others in difficult times. While many people find power in fate, optimism, and “everything happens for a reason,” for others it instills added doubt in their journey and circumstances.
I generally find it difficult to compare infections (virus, diseases, etc.) to one another, especially without knowing the story of those whose bodies they inhabit. The language we use matters, and it’s often so ingrained in our culture that we’re unaware of their meaning and power. Even little quantifiers discussed here can make the difference in someone considering you a safe space.