Navigating Friendships and Relationship Advice: Honesty vs. Unsolicited Opinions
Relationships, including friendships, are shared working histories. Even after the relationships end or shift, there are still remnants of the people, places, and lessons that we carry. COVID further complicates these bonds and their impact.
Unless you were a partner in the relationship, you will never fully understand what bonds or drives certain people together, regardless of history. We can speculate based on the limited knowledge we have, even if it’s picking up the intimate pieces of a friend’s breakup, but we’ll never have a complete portrait.
If your friend directly asks you for your advice or opinion, or you feel they are in danger or some sort—tell them.
If your friend shares a decision they’ve already made regarding a partner or ex-partner, they may be sharing honestly as a piece of information rather than seeking your approval, or presenting an action for you to take or an opportunity for you to share your opinion.
You’re not your friend’s therapist. You can only be there for someone and their relationships so many times.
If your friend does not ask for your opinion and you continue to express your disproval or share unsolicited advice, there is risk in damaging the friendship.
Unsolicited advice can often present itself through superiority and/or as knowing what is “best” or “right” for someone’s life. Of course we want the best for our friends. Of course we don’t want them to get hurt (again). Of course, sometimes, we think we do know what’s best for them.
I share this as a recipient of unsolicited advice regarding my dating and relationship choices, as a reminder for all the friends across the globe who care beyond measure. I would much rather be honest about my decisions and intentions in dating than tiptoe around what I already know may not be well-received. I would much rather be honest than keep a secret from the friends I love. However, that transparency isn’t synonymous with a desire for approval or unsolicited opinions.