Mastering Disclosure: A Guide to Building Healthy Sexual Communication Habits
Disclosure is a habit, here’s how to start, as described and outlined by @jamesclear’s “Atomic Habits.”
1. Make it obvious: The more likely we are to speak a desired habit into existence, the more likely we are to act on it (again, per “Atomic Habits”). Usually, nondisclosure is an unconscious habit. One method of making disclosure obvious is repeating a similar mantra as described here, “The next time I have sex with someone, I’m going to disclose my STI status and ask for their’s.” It could also be putting a post-it the next time you reach for your vibrator or on your bathroom mirror. Make it obvious TO YOU.
2. Make it attractive. Honest communication IS attractive. Disclosure IS attractive. It’s the sign of a sexually self-aware adult. Whether you’re engaging in a one-night stand or looking for a more long-term relationship, self-awareness and the ability to establish and respect boundaries is essential. One of the most effective ways to start and maintain a habit is surrounding yourself with likeminded individuals. Who are you following on IG and what content are you absorbing? What sex positive communities do you belong to? Is safer sex something that’s discussed in your friend groups?
3. Make it easy. The more we repeat the desired habit, the easier it becomes and the more likely it is to stick. Try disclosing to friends. Practice different methods of disclosure—in-person and through text. Create disclosure prompts and a go-to template so when things turn sexual—you initiate disclosure without a second thought. It’s habitual and a ritual.
4. Make it satisfying. We love rewards! Treat yourself after every disclosure or after a certain amount of disclosures—regardless of the other person’s reaction or response. For example, “Each time I disclose, I will treat myself to dinner at my favorite restaurant.” Or, “After ten disclosures I’ll book a massage.”
As always, these are just examples and offerings and your habit needs might vary beyond this list (awesome!).
Each day we engage in various disclosures about ourselves, some conscious and unconscious. By bringing awareness to our sexual habits, we can bring about 9desired changes.