Herpes Disclosure in Dating: Beyond the Bio
Adding one’s HSV status to a dating app bio doesn’t relieve the obligation of disclosure. Matching on a dating app after listing one’s HSV status doesn’t constitute acceptance. Here’s why:
1. Disclosure is mutual. All involved parties need to disclose their status, whether positive or negative, and their screening histories (i.e. when was your last STI screening?).
2. Some people might not know what “HSV” means. While most people have an understanding of what “herpes” means (although way too many still struggle with the concept of cold sores = herpes = disclosure, but I digress), a lot of people won’t know that HSV stands for the Herpes Simplex Virus. It’s something that needs to be discussed and confirmed.
3. Matching, despite someone’s HSV+ annotation in a dating bio, does not constitute acceptance. Yes, it’s a disclosure of sorts, but for the foregoing reasons in this caption, it’s not enough for informed consent.
4. Disclosure goes beyond acceptance. Disclosure isn’t just saying “I have herpes” or “my last STI test was X date,” it’s an ongoing conversation of “How do we have safer, more pleasurable sex together considering our backgrounds and current desires (in life, love, and sex)?
While there are discussions to normalize STI results by listing them in dating bios, we need to extend conversations and advocacy efforts toward the inclusion of sex positive, comprehensive sex education around STIs.
While dating bio disclosures certainly engage curiosity and those impactful, smaller-scale conversations, they also can serve as a way to avoid rejection and disclosing to potential partners (which is stigma at work).
If you are someone who disclose s your HSV status in your dating bio, please follow-up with potential partners. Ask their STI status. Confirm their understanding of HSV, and what HSV+ means in the context of a relationship. Change the narrative, the power is yours.