4 Reasons to Date Someone Who Discloses Their Herpes Status
Post 3 in SexELDucation’s 2021 Year in Review: 4 Reasons Why You Should Date Someone Who Discloses Their Herpes Status
If you have herpes, you should never have to persuade someone to engage sexually with you if they decline due to a positive herpes disclosure; However, if you’re a partner “weighing your odds” and/or are looking for logical reasoning, this is for you. Here are a few reasons why you should give partners who disclose a chance:
1. They are honest about their sexual health
Being honest about our sexual health, with ourselves and others, can be challenging, especially given social stigmas. Disclosure signals a sexually responsible adult who values you, your sexual health, and establishing a mutual level of trust between you.
2. Knowing one’s HSV-2 status halves transmission potential (Wald et al., 2006)
Most people are unaware of their herpes status due to lack of testing (per CDC guidelines), mistaken symptoms, or lack of education around oral herpes (AKA cold sores) and potential transmission. Awareness is powerful and effective at reducing transmission.
3. They know more about herpes than you (and probably your sex ed teacher)
Most sex ed classrooms teach fear and stigma rather than facts about herpes. Your partner has the ins, outs, and resources for navigating safer sex with one another (aka what your sex ed classroom neglected to teach)
4. They’ll challenge you to grow
A herpes disclosure brings up internalized stigma and challenges our assumptions and beliefs around sexuality. The disclosure serves as a catalyst and mirror for self-reflection, unlearning, and re-education around sexual health, pleasure, and shame.
At the end of the day, it’s always your decision. But I challenge partners, and potential partners, to consider the validity in the belief systems they hold—and the sources of those beliefs, versus the existing body of scientific evidence and research.