Navigating Shame and Disclosure: Publicizing Your Herpes Status
Someone recently asked me if they should feel ashamed that their partner publicized their herpes status. Here is my answer:
From a young age, many are taught to prioritize privacy with regard to their sex lives.
A combination of cultures, institutions, organizations, and systems set and reinforce attitudes and beliefs about sex and sexuality.
These systems tend to teach fear and shame around sexuality, especially when not deemed as “normal” by social standards.
Despite the similarities between oral (typically, HSV-1) and genital herpes (HSV-1 or HSV-2), genital presentations remain highly stigmatized, while oral presentations are explained away as “just cold sores.”
This results from society’s discomfort, miseducation, and misinformation around the realities of sex and, more specifically, the genitals.
It is a common misconception that having sex with a person who has herpes means that their partners have or will ultimately contract herpes (this is actually a stigmatizing belief).
No one can tell you how you should or should not feel, but it is worth investigating where your feelings originated and their potential impact on your partnership.
Would you still feel shame if your partner were open about their *oral* herpes status? Thus, is the problem really herpes? Or the discomfort and stigma you’ve been taught to believe?