Rethinking Relationships: Beyond Romantic and Sexual Contexts
When most people hear the word, “relationship,” they likely think of it within the terms of commitment between sexual and/or romantic partners.
Before I share what research says about navigating and managing a relationship with sexual partners who have an STI, I want you to contemplate and engage with what the idea of a relationship means in a more general sense.
Ex. 1: The UPS driver who delivers your packages. They’ve been your delivery driver for a while and you’ve built a rapport. You say “hey” if you see them (from a distance, these days) & they’re always on the lookout for time-sensitive packages. This is a relationship.
Ex. 2: Your friend in a different city who you might not see or talk to on a daily basis, but means the world to you. You share inside jokes, memories, & life updates with one another when you do catch up. This is a relationship.
Ex. 3: The coworker who you don’t always see eye-to-eye with, but have to put aside your differences to make it work. You bicker back and forth over your virtual cups of coffee on the best way to make things happen to achieve your shared goals. This is a relationship.
Each of these relationships have different levels of intimacy, or inner knowings about the other person/persons involved. It’s likely we know less about the UPS driver or our grumpy coworker than our good friend, but we know enough to have established the levels of interactions between us (which can change overtime because boundaries are malleable 😊).
These levels of intimacy and inner-knowings overflow into our romantic and/or sexual relationships, too. In-person and online. We bring the grumpy coworker home with us. Our reliable UPS driver lost our package. Our friend couldn’t make our weekly happy hour.
Relationships interconnect. No matter how small or meaningless they may seem, no matter how distant or different they appear, they bring great interaction and intention to our lives. They also can bring great conflict.
Some approach the word “relationship” with excitement, while others react with internal panic. Similarly, the world, and our partners, react to STIs on a scale of acceptance vs. rejection.
We all have an internal sense of knowing, our intuition, our gut. Compounded by what the world tells us, along with all of our relationships. For partners with STIs, they likely spend more time researching the STI than they ever spent reviewing it in sex ed (if it was even discussed). Your friend made a snide remark about herpes without knowing you had it. Your UPS driver lost someone AIDS but you’d never know had you not asked about the ribbon on his lapel. These seemingly meaningless relationships impact how our romantic and sexual partners engage with us, STI or not. The little moments...they matter most.