Navigating the Roadblocks: Common Barriers to Unlearning Herpes and STI Stigma
We’ve all been there. We seek to educate a partner, a friend, a parent on a topic that matters to us, but might be widely misunderstood, misinterpreted, or like herpes, socially stigmatized. No matter the different ways you try to get them to open your eyes and see your perspective, no matter the countless conversations, you walk away feeling unheard and their opinion unchanged.
Some people will never change their mind about herpes, no matter the facts, the precautions, etc. I’ve compiled a list of Five (5) Common Barriers to Unlearning Herpes and STI Stigma:
1. Miseducation or Lack of Sex Education: For most of us, this is easy to understand the resistance because we’ve all likely been here. Unlearning is hard, and also means taking on the inner work to admit what you were taught about herpes and STIs was *beep* wrong.
2. Internalized Hierarchy of Those with STIs vs. Those without STIs. These people feel “better than” or superior because they, to their knowledge, don’t have an STI and they ~prefer to keep it that way~. Statistics say they’ve likely encountered someone with an STI if they’ve been sexually active for a while, or they’re someone who had cold sores (aka herpes) and are unaware of what that means for oral sex 🤦🏻♀️.
3. Fear of What Testing Positive or What Living with an STI Looks Like for Dating, Love, and Sex: Herpes isn’t a sex or relationship death sentence, but stigma and society can leave folks feeling like it is. For folks who seek validation of self through others (ex. sexual or romantic encounters) this may be especially difficult to grasp within their self-concept.
4. Misinformed Social Circles, or Fear of What Others Might Think: AKA peer pressure. Peer pressure is powerful..especially if your peers are engaging in a lot of sex without knowledge or communication around safer sex practices.
5. Wilful Ignorance and Self-Deception: For some, it’s easier on the ego to remain uninformed and carry on in a fantasy world of “safe sex” and social acceptance rather than admit that they were uninformed or miseducated about herpes and other STIs.