Ghosted After Herpes Disclosure? Here’s How to Handle It
So, you think you’ve been ghosted👻 (do you like my little Halloween theme?!)
I often hear the same tale: “My disclosure went over great! They were super accepting, but then I just didn’t hear from them for weeks.”
What do you do? For many, it’s difficult to move on in the uncertainty. It also isn’t easy sitting with the assumption that someone ghosted you for herpes. Here’s my advice:
1. Try not to jump to conclusions. We’re all human and, occasionally, life gets in the way. Maybe it’s COVID stress. Maybe they had a shitty work week. Maybe they’re just dating other people. It’s easy to jump to “it must be herpes,” but take a step back, sip a breath, and consider that there might be other factors at play.
2. If you haven’t heard from them since the disclosure, send a follow-up text to check-in. Obviously, give them a little time! Try not to overwhelm them with everything herpes (you’re not your diagnosis—remember?). Maybe they found themselves down a herpes Google rabbit hole (yikes!), maybe they haven’t looked at any research yet, maybe they’re confronting their own emotions and beliefs.
3. Acknowledge that you noticed a shift between you since the disclosure. So you gave them a reasonable amount of time. You sent the check-in text. But something still feels off. They’re not engaging. They’re not interested in maintaining the conversation. Call them on it.
4. Request clarity. You’re worth more than their silence.